“Winning not Weakness” – the importance of men talking about mental health and taking action

There are so many stereotypes and pressures that keep men from talking about their mental health, let alone asking for help when they need it. Often when working with men in therapy one of the themes for why they haven’t sought help sooner, or why they feel they shouldn’t need help is the perception that seeking help is a sign of weakness. Society repeatedly portrays that the role of a man is to be the protector and the provider, to be the breadwinner and to be able to do all of this with ease. A man needs to show that they are strong and if you ask for help or show emotion then you are seen as weak.

The perception of what it means to be strong can be a barrier to men talking about their mental health and can perpetuate the stigma they face when accessing support. It is no wonder that studies show that men tend to use more avoidance based coping strategies when feeling under pressure or distressed, such as working more, using drugs or alcohol. It is common that men feel that they need to “just get on with it” and perhaps are even told to do this by those around them. This approach to emotional well-being can be passed down through generations, cultures and held within society. In therapy men will often described bottling up emotions and can often feel the physical manifestation of poor mental health first. They described poor sleep, muscle tension, headaches, in some ways physical symptoms can be easier to talk about and feel more accepted by others and therefore this maybe the language used to denote distress.

More and more is being done to raise awareness for men’s mental health and the need to get men talking. Raising awareness is important, it’s the first step, if we are unaware, we are in the dark and there is no hope for change. However, awareness in isolation also misses the mark, we need awareness, yes, but we need to combine this with action.

In my role as a Clinical Psychologist I have worked with many different people. I am interested in what influences men to seek support or stay silent. The need to normalise support seeking for men really can be a life or death situation. Statistics show that men are less likely to access psychological therapy and three times as many men as women die from suicide. Men aged 40-49 and men from minority groups have higher rates of suicide. We need to collectively reframe the view of what strength is – being open and asking for help is not a weakness. Asking for help can sometimes feel like the hardest thing to do and doing this is a sign of strength and feeling able to do this could ultimately save someone’s life.

We need to reduce the stigma that men feel when talking about their mental health and asking for help, and we need to make support more accessible and meaningful. We need to take action, this is something we can all do, whether it be big or small. Do not underestimate the power of small consistent action. Each one of us can commit to actions that normalise men seeking support for their mental health.  Whether this be reaching out to friends or colleagues, really listening and noticing the signs of when someone may need help or role modelling talking about mental health.

As humans we crave connection and when we feel we have to put on a mask to hide our true selves we feel alone and isolated. When conversations are started, we start to realise we are not alone, we create connections and communities of support.  Getting the support you need does not have to mean 1:1 talking therapy with a professional, although I am obviously a huge advocate for this! It could be a regular meet up with your mates and perhaps being a bit more open with how things are, joining a local support group, and even just starting to notice the warning signs in yourself that you need to take a break before you become overwhelmed. Getting the support we need so we can live better is winning not weakness!

At the Core Collective we work with fast-paced industries who need high performing teams that work well under pressure. These environments can often be stressful and we are passionate about empowering staff and organisations to harness the power of psychology to empower teams to thrive under pressure. We believe that everyone should be able to access the support they need. If you want to find out more about how the Core Collective can support your team then please contact us.

Written by Steph