Anniversaries and Further Traumas

The potential consideration

Anniversaries are a time that often prompts us to reflect and take stock. Today (Friday 24th February 2023) is the one year anniversary of the day that Russia invaded Ukraine. This may be a time when hosts are even more aware than usual of the psychological impacts that guests are experiencing and wish to offer any support they can. We hope this article will support hosts to feel a little more equipped in this. 

The psychology facts

Trauma symptoms often have what psychologists call a ‘delayed onset’. This means that someone might seem to be doing well in the immediate aftermath of the traumatic event, and even for months or years. Then something might happen that causes the trauma response to emerge later down the line. An anniversary is a common catalyst of this. The significance of a year passing can make us reflect and even ruminate on everything that has occurred. We might suddenly zoom out and see the whole series of events, realising the enormity of what we have been through. In the present moment, this is likely to be exacerbated by increased media coverage on this topic.

In previous articles we have written about common emotional impacts of traumatic experiences that you might see in your guests, as well as common PTSD triggers. All of this information remains relevant now. You might see an increase in responses you have already observed (e.g. sadness, anger, withdrawal) or you may see new responses. The latter is very common because in the immediate aftermath of a traumatic event, we do not yet feel safe; it is only later, once we are feeling safer and more settled, that the emotional impacts of what we have been through can begin to surface.

An important myth to bust is the one that sounds like “But it’s been a year – I should be over it by now!”. There is no timeline for processing traumatic events or bereavements – your brain will take as long as it takes, whether that is days, months or years. And the course of each individual’s processing may be different – we must acknowledge and validate everyone’s experience for what it is. Of course, in many cases you may be expecting to see an impact of the anniversary upon your guest, and then they may be fine – that’s OK too!

It is also common to see a lot of variability in the mood and behaviours of your guests. This might be day to day, or even hour to hour. This happens as a result of our brain oscillating between two different frames of mind, in an attempt to integrate two very different realities. In this case:

1.     I’ve been through something very traumatic and the trauma and horror of war is still ongoing in my country of origin.

2.     I am safe in the UK and I am going about my day to day routine here.

Obviously the emotions and responses that go along with each reality are very different, so our brain may flip from one to the other – this is not something that is within our conscious control. It is the same process that often occurs following a bereavement. Again, the important thing here is to realise that this is a normal process and recognise that this is what is happening for guests (if you’re seeing that variability in mood and behaviour).

Further traumas and bereavements

A question we have heard from hosts is: “How can I support guests who are experiencing new traumas and bereavements as a result of the ongoing war?”. Your guests are in the UK but they may have family and friends remaining in Ukraine, so this question may be pertinent to many. While it may seem like a separate topic, we have included this question here because the tips we would give are broadly the same. 

For new bereavements it is worth remembering that guests may not have access to the things they would usually do to mark a loss. In addition to providing emotional support you could ask if there is any way in which they would like to commemorate the loved one, and if there is something they need access to. Aside from this, we should offer support without being intrusive, as we would for anyone else. We might acknowledge that we know there is nothing we can say to take the pain away, but we are there to listen if the person wants to talk. Equally if the person just wants space, or company or distraction, that is OK too – give them these options so they can choose. Finally, it may be the case that the grieving process is paused while your guest is in a state of uncertainty and the conflict is ongoing. This is much like the ‘delayed onset trauma’ idea and is common when an individual is unable to feel that they have closure.

Tips to support guests

When things seem to be getting worse or when there is a new crisis, the most important thing is to go back to basics. People often look for a magic wand or some specialist crisis-management tool that can make things better, but the reality is that you can’t fix this. When someone experiences a bereavement or a trauma, we can’t prevent them from having a natural response to that, and that response will take its own course and its own time. What you can do is what you are already doing – you are providing someone with a physically safe environment and hopefully an emotionally safe environment (through support and empathy). These are the foundations of what any individual needs when they are going through a difficult time, and the significance of these things should not be underestimated.

Hosts we have spoken to have been unsure of where to signpost their guests for further support. We have put together a list of resources that covers self-help that your guest can access (e.g. information on PTSD translated into Ukrainian), information on NHS support your guest can access, and other sources of support. You can find this on the same page as our other articles - https://www.corecollective.uk/refugee-hosting

Your guest should have access to NHS services in the same way that you would. The GP is often a good first step to make referrals to the appropriate mental health services in your area. You are entitled to request a double appointment to allow time to discuss complex difficulties. Anyone accessing the NHS may face difficulties such as long waiting lists. Don’t hesitate to get onto a waiting list and continue to look for additional support in the meantime. You can always cancel the appointment later if you don’t need it by the time it is offered.

In the meantime, we also highly recommend this self-help resource that is translated into several languages including English and Ukrainian. This may be helpful for hosts and guests alike, and takes you through basic strategies for managing your mental wellbeing - https://www.who.int/publications/i/item/9789240003927

If you know of any other good resources for migrants and displaced individuals, please drop them in the comments below! And don’t forget - our other articles have lots of general tips for supporting your guests, so do refer back to those as well.

Tips to support hosts

Of course the increased media coverage and the significance of this anniversary may be affecting us all; these impacts are not restricted to guests. If we can, we should try to be aware of our own emotional response to the situation, and always make sure we are attending to our own self-care. Two of our previous articles (‘Boundaries’ and ‘Moral injury and vicarious trauma’) contain lots of helpful information and tips for hosts to support their own wellbeing.

Often, the hardest thing for hosts is managing the feeling of helplessness that comes along with knowing we can’t fix the situation. Hopefully this article helps you to understand that you are already doing so much of value by providing your home and your support, but it is natural to still feel guilty and helpless at times. Validate these feelings (it’s normal to feel like that!) but don’t allow the feelings to make you believe that you’re not doing enough.

Dr Natalie Isaia